Bitterness and Disgust

I hate him right now. I shouldn't, but I fucking do. I hate him so much that when I look at him, all I want to do is see him cry. I want him to be as unhappy as I am every moment of my miserable fucking life. I want him to want to kill himself as much as I want to be dead. The sight of him makes me sick to my stomach, I hate him. I hate him because I'm so in love with him and he isn't as perfect as I wish he was. Maybe that's unfair of me. I don't trust him, because men aren't to be trusted. They are sneaky, especially the smart ones. They think they are clever enough to get away with anything, they are such good liars. Especially him. So charming as well. I wish he wouldn't talk. So fucking calm and doesn't care about anything doesn't get jealous, so obviously he doesn't give a fuck. He makes me furious and I won't cheer up tonight unless I see him cry. He makes me sick. I want to hate him but I can't. So furious I feel like I'm going to be sick this war raging I want to punch him over and over to he feels the pain that grows progressively worse inside of me to get some idea of what it's like to constantly be in pain I can't stand when he smiles right now I want to hate him I want to hate him but really I just hate myself.